Tails of the Presidential Candidates – Pet Facts for You to Chew On

Jonah Isbell, Patriot

Jonah Isbell, Patriot

Written by Guest Correspondent, Jonah Isbell, Cairn Terrier, Independent

War, poverty, the economy, ISIS, immigration, taxes… some people might think that these are fine things to debate about and that they should be top priorities in a presidential campaign. But really, humans. There ARE far more important things to consider. What kind of pet does your candidate have? Do they support humane pet legislation? Are veterinarians sending them campaign donations?

Quite often, as the dog of the Pet Friends Magazine’s publisher/treat distributor, I usually sit on the chair next to the computer being good and occasionally instructing the cat to stay out of the living room or subtly directing the Fed Ex driver to slow down on my street. However, when it comes to politics, I decided to take over this article. I know what is important to pets and their owners – and it’s not income tax brackets.

Throughout history, Presidents have had pets. As good (or bad) as some of the Presidents have been, at least they understood the value of a good dog, cat, horse, fish or cow. If you’d like to see the pets of past Presidents, there is a Presidential Pet Museum you can visit online here. There is also a real bricks and mortar museum full of the world’s largest collection of presidential pet memorabilia but it is currently closed. They are collecting donations to maintain the website and re-open the museum in the future on the grounds of The Dude Ranch Pet Resort in Virginia. Unfortunately, they haven’t been receiving many donations. I’m guessing that most people don’t even know that the place exists. If you are interested in donating, you can click your paw on the link here. You can also keep up with them on their Facebook page here.

Politically, I am doggedly Independent. I was also born on the 4th of July so I feel that I have special insight when it comes to pets and politics. This article will be totally non-partisan and factual. Completely devoid of any opinions. Unless, of course, I go off on a tangent about something. That’s been known to happen. What just ran by?!! Squirrel!!!

HILLARY CLINTON

photo credit: Hillary's Instagram page

photo credit: Hillary’s Instagram page

Hillary has a Toy Poodle, Tally, and a small dog named Maisie. Poor Maisie. I’m sure she’s called embarrassing things like Maisie Daisy. Hillary’s husband, Bill, has a senior Lab named Seamus. What? That sounds like the name of a fish. Her website does not have pet merchandise available so apparently she supports naked pets. Hey, who doesn’t?!

When Hillary was a Senator, she co-sponsored the American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act which aimed to end the slaughter of horses for their meat and she also co-sponsored the Animal Fighting Prohibition Enforcement Act, which was to get rid of cockfighting, dogfighting and other types of animal fighting. When Bill was president, they had two pets in The White House – Socks the cat and Buddy the dog. Hillary also published a book called “Dear Socks, Dear Buddy” which had letters to pets written by children. If I could figure out mom’s Amazon password, I’d be all over that book.

When looking through her donor list for her presidential run (boy was THAT boring), I saw that Hillary had 100 pet industry donors supporting her campaign. These are donors who are pet groomers, veterinarians, dog walkers, etc.

Other interesting things I found out include the fact that Hillary had a childhood cat named ISIS. That was obviously before the name became uncool like it is today. I also ran across some dogs on the internet who support Hillary here.

TED CRUZ

photo credit: Ted Cruz Facebook page

photo credit: Ted Cruz Facebook page

Ted adopted a rescue puppy (HORRAY!) named Snowflake for his daughters Caroline and Catherine in 2014. Ted’s daughter is hoping he becomes president, so the dog can have a bigger back yard. I can really relate to that!

Ted is, as far as I can tell, the only presidential candidate with a rescue dog. Rescue dogs are dogs who come from animal shelters or rescue groups. According to the ASPCA, about 1.2 million dogs and 1.4 million cats are killed at animal shelters in the United States every year. That is HORRIBLE! More needs to be done to get our animal shelters (most of them government run) to save these pets and spend our taxpayer money wisely. Two paws up to any candidate who saves a dog (or a cat!) from a shelter or rescue group instead of getting one from a breeder.

Unfortunately, Ted didn’t rate very well on the Humane Society of the United States scorecard for 2014 by only scoring a 12 out of 100. In the scorecard, legislators are judged on their support for animal protection issues and whether they co-sponsored bills to seek increased enforcement of animal welfare laws. He also offers no pet merchandise on his website so if you’re a Ted Cruz supporter, you will have to design your own pet shirts and hats.

His pet industry donations looked pretty good with 118 people donating money to his campaign.

JOHN KASICH

photo credit: John Kasich Facebook page

photo credit: John Kasich Facebook page

John is another non-pet owner but the internet reports that he had a Spring Spaniel in the past. They are pretty cool dogs. Cairn Terriers are better, of course. In 2014, Governor Kasich signed a bill allowing dogs, cats and other pets to be included within the scope of protection orders gotten by victims of domestic violence and other offenses. He also signed a puppy mill law to crack down on puppy mills in Ohio. For those of you who don’t know what puppy mills are, they are TERRIBLE. People and companies breed large numbers of dogs and treat them horribly while they sell their puppies at a high profit. Total scumbags. Click here for a story of one that was busted recently.

All of the pets who support John must also be naked, without any sort of Kasich merchandise to wear. And even though he seems to have done right by pets while being Governor, he doesn’t have a lot of pet industry donors – only six veterinarians have given his campaign money. He seems to be a real nice guy though. I came across a story from 1999 that said John helped bury a couple’s dog, Magic, in New Hampshire. The dog got killed when her owner backed over him while preparing for a Kasich fundraiser. Yikes! How sad. John helped bury the dog and held a funeral service. You can read about it here.

LUCY LOU

Lucy Lou Facebook page

Lucy Lou Facebook page

Lucy Lou is a nine-year-old Border Collie and the only dog running for President. She is the Mayor of Rabbit Hash, Kentucky and enjoys swimming in the Ohio River. She was born on Valentine’s Day – February 12, 2007. Her campaign slogan is “The Bitch You Can Really Count on.” Hm… I won’t comment on that one. Her platform includes smaller government, term limits and campaign donation limits. You can follow her on Facebook here.

I haven’t found a list of campaign donors for Lucy Lou so I’m not sure if she’s actually filed to run for office with the Federal Election Commission. However, I am SURE that she has a lot of pets and pet owners who support her. I know I do. She’s a cutie!

LIMBERBUTT McCUBBINS

photo credit: Limberbutt Facebook page

photo credit: Limberbutt Facebook page

Limberbutt seems to be the only feline candidate running to be president. He is listed as a Democrat on his Facebook page but I don’t see any issues listed that he is fighting for. Taking a wild guess, I would assume he supporters more treats, toys and naps. I’m sure everyone can get behind those ideas.

Limberbutt is a six-year-old kitty born on August 15, 2009. He was born in Louisville, Kentucky so he appears to be eligible to be President on a residency basis. He’s a mixed breed and was adopted from a rescue group. His favorite activities are sleeping and eating Cheetos. Those are my favorite activities too – and I like the puffs, not the crunchy Cheetos.

Limberbutt has an Instagram page and is also on Twitter. As cats go, Limberbutt seems to be a cool cat. But then again, how cool ARE cats, really??? I know that my cat, Neelix, is a pain in the butt for most of the day. He even waits until I fall asleep and then comes over to lay next to me. That should be illegal. I’ll see if Lucy Lou wants to work on some kind of Executive Order to put an end to that kind of behavior. I’d also like to look into stopping people from naming their pets Limberbutt. That’s just nuts.

MARCO RUBIO

photo credit: Marco Rubio Facebook page

photo credit: Marco Rubio Facebook page

Marco looks like he takes pet ownership very seriously. When his daughters got their dog, a Shih Tzu named Manna, they had to sign a pet care contract.

Marco’s website does not have any pet merchandise and he only scored a 12 on the Humane Society of the United States scorecard for 2014. He did, however, co-sponsor the Horse Soring bill in 2014 (HR 1518/S1406) to strengthen laws and stop animal abusers from burning chemicals into horses’ feet and injuring their hooves. Although I don’t know any horses personally, I do have a few neighbor hoses who I communicate with from time to time from my front yard. Two paws up to anyone who is wiling to stop any kind of horse abuse.

Marco only had 15 pet industry sponsors send his campaign donations. Looks like he needs to work on a “bigger tent” to bring more pet lovers into his campaign.

BERNIE SANDERS

photo credit: Bernie Sanders Facebook page

photo credit: Bernie Sanders Facebook page. Riley supporting Bernie.

Although Bernie doesn’t appear to have a pet, his record seems to be really good on supporting humane legislation. He has a 100% with the Humane Society of the United States on their scorecard for 2014.

History seems to be against him though as every president since Theodore Roosevelt has had a dog in the White House. So if he wins the presidency, he’s going to need to go out and adopt a pet (or two or three)!!

Like Hillary and some of the others, he also appears to support naked pets because he offers no pet clothing or merchandise. Really, candidates. Is it THAT hard to come up with a dog bandana, a collar or a shirt for us???

Bernie has the support of more pet industry donors than all of the other candidates. He had 216 pet industry people donate to his campaign. There is even a Facebook page dedicated to pet lovers for Bernie here.

DONALD TRUMP

Miss P, a Beagle, was Westminster's 2015 Best in Show winner. photo credit: Donald Trump's Instagram page.

Miss P, a Beagle, was Westminster’s 2015 Best in Show winner. photo credit: Donald Trump’s Instagram page.

My research team has discovered no pets in the Trump household and internet research has yielded the fact that Donald is a supporter of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and has been photographed with past winners. Furthermore, in a scientific test done by Jimmy Kimmel, dogs seem to obey Donald. Will lawmakers and the public obey him too? Being a dog, I don’t really like the whole obeying thing. There are plenty of times I don’t want to do what mom says. Is she always right? No. Of course not. Plus I have much cooler ideas of how to spend our time – things that she may never have even thought about!

As expected, being the great business man that he says he is, I found a dog shirt for sale on his website dog merchandise hereFor some reason, the “professionals” call it a DOG RAGLAN. Really? It’ a shirt, people. It doesn’t make us look any cooler wearing them when you call it a raglan.

Sadly, Donald only has one pet industry donor who is a veterinarian. However, in all fairness, he doesn’t have all that many donors to begin with. I mean, why donate to a billionaire? Do you really think your $10 will make a difference??! Save it and buy your dog an extra bone for goodness sake!! Wise up, people. Spend your money on your pets!!

Donald’s hair (as it relates to pets) seems to be all the rage on the internet. Animal shelters are putting Trump wigs on pets to get them adopted – and dogs and cats who look like Donald seem to be trending.

Which candidates will get the nomination? Which nominee will become President? Only time will tell. If it were up to me, the whole White House would be turned into an animal shelter and we’d have a “biscuit tax” to support REAL change and hope for the future. I mean, if people can be be forced to buy health insurance, why not biscuits?! God bless America. Now go vote!!!

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